Kaelyn’s miracle journey to being healed and whole
Not only did God renew my heart and mind by freeing me from addiction, but He also gave me a completely new identity.
Growing up, I had a few dark secrets I kept hidden for a long time. Some of it had to do with simply being a girl and struggling with a sin that is stereotypically a “man’s sin.”
It was difficult for me hearing someone on stage talking about men’s addiction to pornography and couldn’t understand why I was a girl and struggling with it. I felt a lot of shame from the enemy because I felt like this was a sin I shouldn’t have been wrestling with.
In the back of my mind, I always thought there was something wrong with me because I’d only heard about it from a male’s voice. I thought that I was the only girl in the world doing this. The enemy used these lies to hold me down, starting in the seventh grade.
As far as church attendance went, I popped in and out growing up, and there was never consistency during high school. There was never really any consistency until I was 17 years old and went to a Young Life camp.
I met a couple of girls who noticed I didn’t go to church anywhere. They invited me to Fuse with them, but I had no idea what it was. The first person I met ended up being such a God-ordained event. I met my soon-to-be small group leader, whom I immediately loved and would soon trust with a heavy secret that I carried for years.
In my senior year, I came to the Gauntlet for the first time, and I truly felt the Lord speak over me. He told me that He didn’t want me to live this life anymore and that I have the power to speak up about it.
I remember hearing the Lord, and I started to sweat and panic because I was so nervous. But I knew that I needed to tell Nikki Beville, my small group leader because I desperately wanted to be free.
I counted to three and asked the Lord for courage. I leaned over and shared everything with her. It was like a massive weight was released from my shoulders. God completely took away my desire for the addiction.
Since then, the Lord has given me a huge heart for younger girls who struggle with pornography. If I could share something with them, I would want them to know that it’s OK to be honest and talk about it. It’s not just a man’s sin but a human sin.
I got saved when I was 6 years old. I lived the life of a Christian but never actually sold my life out to the gospel until I was 18 years old. I surrendered everything over to Him. I gave up my desires and my dreams. And since then, my life is drastically changed.
Not only did God renew my heart and mind by freeing me from addiction, but He also gave me a completely new identity. When I was younger, I took on the nickname “Bayner.” Most people had no idea what my real name was or realized it was based on my last name.
But back in 2017, I was walking down this dirt road at Potter’s Place in Central, South Carolina, when the Lord brought me to my knees. He asked me to read the story of the conversion of Saul to Paul. It made no sense at first, but I knew it had significance over my life.
Over the next year, in 2018, the Lord started doing massive work in my heart over my identity. He reminded me of the day at Potters Place and spoke directly to me, saying He is changing my name backto Kaelyn.
It was weird at first because I still had people calling me “Bayner.” But the Lord had convinced me so much of my identity conversion that this loose nickname became like a bad taste. Then, in 2019, I finally told the Lord that I would receive the name and make any adjustments necessary to fully understand who I am in Him.
I began to ask the Lord, since He was changing my name, "What are some other things in my heart that need to change?" Ever since then, my life has looked completely different. I feel more at peace with who I am. I have more confidence to walk into a room and not have to be not the center of attention or have people looking at me to feel noticed.
Then He started telling me who I am in the Spirit, showing me different things about my character and how intentional He is with me. I have never been more convinced that God is who He says He is and that He is doing things inside of me.
God healed me from addiction and then gave me a new identity, but He also healed my body physically. At 15 years old, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, with inflammation in my joints. It was at MUSC that the doctors told me that I was going to live in remission because there is no cure.
I remember the massive amount of pain I was in and not being able to straighten my fingers all the way. Everything progressed over the years, and I was on many different medications.
It was at a NewSpring staff retreat I felt the Lord press in that I needed to ask for healing. I believed that God could heal, but I never asked personally for myself. I never thought it was for me.
But it was this moment that there was something different. As I laid hands on my friend, Mere, and prayed for her back, I asked the Lord for a dosage of healing, too. It felt like a whole new kind of faith. The clouds didn’t part or anything crazy, but I remember how I felt afterward, and it was so sweet.
The next day, Kaleb White was leading another session, and I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to look down at my elbow. I had five nodules on my elbow that caused pain when I moved it. I looked down, and it was tender for me to touch. I started rubbing it, and I let out an audible gasp because I couldn’t believe it! God took away the nodules and my pain from those bumps. This moment felt like a wink from the Lord, telling me that more healing was coming, and this will be a process.
The Lord is freeing me from addictions and lies that the enemy has held me in bondage for years. He is renewing my mind and restoring my faith and my identity in the word. All of this is bleeding out to my physical healing. The Lord has been so faithful and has repeatedly shown His goodness and love to me in ways that I could have never dreamed of.